So this is 30

I am 30! Instead of being scared about aging, I’m embracing all the changes my body has gone through in these past 30 years, most recently the growing and birthing (and now sustainment) of an entire other human being. Crazy eh? I’ve been a lot of things in the past 30 years, but I’d like to think that most importantly I’ve always been myself – unapologetically so.

I didn’t know what I wanted to write about today, since I don’t usually have posts for my birthday, but I figured this was a milestone worth noting. There have been a lot of those lately. I’m reminded of the movie 13 going on 30, and the distinct memories I have of going to see it in theatres with my dad when it came out. Back then, I couldn’t have imagined what 30 would look like. I definitely saw myself as a kick-ass powerhouse in the corporate world, so my current status as a boss babe and mom is relatively unexpected to 15 year old me, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

Looking back at the last year, I am in awe of how much I’ve accomplished while pregnant, but also in general. If you had asked me last year on my birthday what the next year held for me, my goals would have likely been entirely professional with a few small personal caveats. Because we had been dealing with infertility for so long, I did not envisage a baby in the next 12 months, so when we found out at Christmas I was a little shocked. It also meant a lot of growing pains and adjustments for us.

I had to do some serious re-configuring of how my year would look like. I didn’t want to go into motherhood and 30 with career turmoil, and an unfinished house with the ever-present possibility of a posting. Last winter was hard on me as we changed plans and gears, weathered some professional fails in the spring, and then ushered in the last trimester in the summer heat knowing that I would not get the maternity leave I had wanted to have or deserved.

30 feels like a gateway year, much like 21 did.

20 was such a fun and flirty year for me. I had so much promise and hope for the future, and was still living my university student #bestlife. I thought grad school would look different, and so would the ensuing years. So when I hit 21 and things started to change (I had graduated from undergrad, worked an awful summer job, and started my masters), it felt like a whole new chapter in my life. It was challenging at first, and definitely lead to a lot of personal growth as I grappled with changing dynamics across the board.

30 feels just like that, but for different reasons. The newest love of my life – June – is changing the game. Transitioning to being responsible for a whole other person, while maintaining career steam, and my personal life is a whole new challenge, but an exciting one. My relationship with my siblings is stronger, I have a deeper appreciation for everything my parents did (and continue to do) for us, and I’m hopeful for this next generation of women. Sure, I feel like my time isn’t my own and I’m desperately clinging to our pre-baby dinner time schedule (why?!) but I think my 30s is going to be a great season of life.